The Problem with Writing is Writing

If there's anything I really hesitate in doing, it's calling myself "a writer." The reason used to be some sort of self-effacing fear of narcissism, but now it's boiled down to the simple fact that I don't write very often and therefore I do not feel the right to call myself a writer. Sure, I have more than a passing interest in writing and story and I even find myself thinking about these subjects quite often, without specifically trying. That's what I call "one's passion." It is the thing you think about when you're not really trying to think about anything. I know the passion is there and even the capacity to write is there, but for some reason I have a real problem with actually getting down and writing something.

I could say part of the problem is the Internet. Whenever I write, I do it on my computer, so I get constantly distracted. But I almost feel that if it wasn't the Internet distracting me, it would be something else.

I can't remember his name, but a respected screenwriter wrote about the concept of a person not doing work because of some abstract, inner force. He wrote about this in a very concrete way, and he had a word for it, but the point of it was that whenever someone, anyone, aspires to something good, like writing, or running a race, or inventing a device, there is a force that quietly tells you to take a break, stop working, just do nothing. It's as if there's a part of the brain that specifically advises you to be lazy.

I subscribe to this idea because I feel like I am a victim of it. I know I can write a screenplay. I know I can do everything involved - create characters, plot, conflict, blah blah blah, etcetera. But I just don't, when it comes time to write, I just lose complete interest.

But this isn't to say I've given up. What this almost tells me is that I need to find out how I work. In Bill Mai's class, Working with a Partner, I've found that I've maintained interest in the project because of my partner. My partner hasn't even had to coach me or anything - just because he is there, I'm automatically more interested. The process seems much less torturous.

Also in that class, I've been working to create a beat sheet for my proposed project. I feel like a beat sheet, or some kind of system to plan the story ahead of time, may be a great and helpful method.